i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
