The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
