if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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