You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
