Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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