and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
