YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
