you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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