What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A bitchslap is in order.
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