My nipple is on Facebook.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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