How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
