How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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