During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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