She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
