and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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