This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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