You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
