yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
