she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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