airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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