I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
