THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
please don't ironically join a cult
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