ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
