so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
