yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
