so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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