Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
