You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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