i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
