What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
