If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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