the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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