if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
