I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm really busy with my period
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