ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My hand turned me down
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
