just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
