ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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