I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she told me i tasted like america
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
