i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
