Hey man sorry I got all grabby
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
