she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
