I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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