it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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