dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
