Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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