that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
