I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
