i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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