If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
