sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
