Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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