Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just blew my weed a kiss
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
