I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
