Do you still have your period?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
