And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
