whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
