You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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