Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
